


Sleepless in SE.RA.PH

by Sylvas



Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, also re: the title i live in seattle so im allowed to make this stupid joke, but like it's tamamo, hakunon and altera do show up but only very very briefly, is there really not a fate/extella tag, so it's not gonna go down easy, specifically post fate/extella link
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 02:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20667572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvas/pseuds/Sylvas
Summary: For all of her former talent at manipulating others, Caster is nowhere near as good at pretending everything is okay as she'd like to believe.





	Sleepless in SE.RA.PH

"Ah. Caster." 

Tamamo couldn't help but stiffen at the address. She already knew whose face to expect as she turned, so she prepared her most polished grimace beforehand, folding her arms tersely and throwing the Emperor a terribly put-out glare. "I should know better than to expect simple courtesy out of you by now, I know," she sneered, "but surely you should know better than to interrupt a woman in her private moments, no?" 

Nero just smiled back at her. It was terribly late in SE.RA.PH, so to see Nero in just her rippling white nightgown was not unexpected. Nor, Tamamo admitted, was it especially surprising for Nero to deflect her pointed words. The Emperor had never been especially good at listening. What it was exactly that Master saw in her, Tamamo wouldn't ever know.

(That wasn't true, but Tamamo was not in a good mood, so she was not especially keen to admit it to herself. But of course, now, feeling remorseful at being so cruel, she was only making herself feel worse.)

"Leave me alone," she said, and she turned around to face the balcony railing again, staring angrily and sightlessly out into the night. 

"That does not sound like the Caster I know," Nero replied, her voice quiet but colored with sincere surprise. 

"With how terrible of a listener you are," Tamamo growled, "I'm surprised you would claim to know anything at all about me." 

Nero hesitated. For a moment, Tamamo wondered if she really would go away - which, to her own disgust, flooded her with only more regret. She didn't really want to drive Nero away. She wasn't really mad at Nero. She was such a child. So petty and pathetic and hopeless. She was... ugh. 

"But, regardless," she sighed theatrically, "you'll do whatever it is you intend no matter what I say, so I might as well humor you." Once again preparing her sneer, she turned to face Nero once more, now inclining her head expectantly. "So go on. What was it that you wished to take my attention for?" 

"Such malice," Nero replied uneasily, frowning, folding her arms. "Have I done something to earn your ire this night, Caster?" 

"No," Tamamo admitted, her voice low and grumbly. 

"Well, I would like to say that does my heart good." She sure sounded like she would like to say that too; her tone briefly rose in triumph before sinking again. "How is the view of our empire tonight? Are you enjoying it?" 

"It's nice," Tamamo replied evasively, looking over her shoulder. "I like the quiet at night, though I prefer the activity in the Millenium Capitol, of course." 

"Of course," Nero gracefully agreed. She advanced to stand beside Tamamo, looking out over the dark city herself. There was a distant, wistful smile on her face; her eyes were not the emerald rings that Tamamo was used to, and for a moment, she couldn't help herself. 

"Are you well, Saber?" 

Nero's smile changed somewhat at the question, or perhaps more at its tone. Tamamo had noticed, in her time with both Nero and her Master, that they were much better at seeing through to her honest intent than she would have liked. They both reacted with such... gravity, whenever Tamamo said something that she really meant. "As well as can be expected," was Nero's eventual reply. "But let us not speak of me; aren't you supposed to be asleep with Master just now? It's not like you to leave her unprotected."

"She is very safe here, and you know that," Tamamo retorted. Even just being made to consider the possibility that her love could be wounded... it was enough to make her spine crawl and her tail bristle. 

"And yet you are so very protective of your time with her," Nero observed, closing her eyes. "Umu, umu. Something is amiss." 

"Nothing is wrong," Tamamo insisted. 

"You think so?" Nero's voice dropped lower still. She sounded... sleepy. "Ah, were it only so easy for put my heart at ease." 

There was a moment of quiet, and in that pause, Tamamo faltered. Nero did not flinch; she stood braced against the railing, "looking" out into the night, her shoulders slumped, her eyes closed, her lips shut tight. 

Inhaling quietly, Tamamo steeled herself to ask as sincerely as she could: "What troubles you, Emperor?"

"Ahhhhh." Nero smiled, bathing in the words like tender sunlight. "Do you know, Caster, how my heart jumps to hear you speak so kindly to me? To think we once were enemies, but now..."

"Don't be so quick to assume," Tamamo growled, but it was a reflex, and not one that carried much weight, and she knew that. Nero's smile didn't fade at all. 

"You have labored long and hard for the sake of the empire," she continued, cracking one eye partially open, directing it with a coy lean to Tamamo. "Your efforts have not gone unnoticed; indeed, I find myself wondering if I have been lax in my praise of you."

Tamamo ought to have a snippy comeback to that, but nothing is coming to her. 

"So as thanks," Nero continued instead, "allow me instead to care for you, as you have cared for me. You ask me what troubles you; I will tell you. You trouble me, Caster. You have been out of sorts since this afternoon."

"Is that so," Tamamo grumbled. Nero nodded, closing her eyes again. 

"Your elegance has dulled some," she hummed. "The precision and care with which you normally tend to our Master was lacking this evening. The seasoning in tonight's dinner - it was merely adequate. Even little Altera seemed worried for your condition. Something has shaken a foundation of Rome, and until it is repaired and stands tall and proud once again, I cannot rest." 

Once again, Tamamo finds herself grasping for a snippy remark that simply won't come to her. She feels... she feels kind of empty, actually. It's not a pleasant feeling. The silence began to draw on long.

Nero sighed, putting fingers to her temples. "Tamamo no Mae." 

Tamamo gasped, or rather, she took in a sharp breath, but only very quietly. It was rare for either of them to address the other... directly, like this. By True Name. 

"You know that I love you. Don't you?" 

The gnawing empty feeling in Tamamo's stomach grew much more intense. She shifted away, her fingers gripping the railing, her tail trying to curl inward on itself. "What meaning does that have?" she barked. "You proclaim love to everything in sight of you. You love the darkness that covers the city at night, and you love the sunlight that comes with morning, and everything in between."

Nero chuckled. "Yes, that is true! That is true. Maybe to someone like you, something that I give away so freely is worth little. Yes..." And then, she sighed, her smile fading away. "Yes, maybe... that's so. But..." 

"Stop," Tamamo intoned. 

"Stop?" Nero glanced up at her. "What? Stop what?" 

"Talking." Tamamo's heart was beating fast. "Stop talking to me. Stop trying to be nice. Pretending that you care. I know better. You think you can trick me? Hmph! You, foolish little girl of Rome, trying to make me believe that I matter personally to you?"

"Tamamo," Nero whispered, turning towards her - Tamamo backed up a step in kind, but Nero's distress became only more animated. "Tamamo, stop! Come to your senses!"

The Rose Saber lunged - Tamamo would normally have had more than enough speed to avoid her, but caught off guard she was trapped in Nero's embrace, and... and that's it. Nero threw her arms around her shoulders and held her, tightly, firmly, unrelenting. And Tamamo just stood there. Fuming. Boiling. Freezing. Infuriated. Terrified. 

...Terrified. 

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, but her voice wouldn't stop trembling. 

"I present myself to thee!" All at once, Nero backed away, falling to her knees and throwing her arms out wide, gesturing to Tamamo and the heavens both at once. "Here are my flaws and fears, for you to critique and appraise! I am reckless in my love and free with my feelings; I cannot live any other way, but it does not diminish what I feel for you, any more than it does for our master! And despite that, I know that I am a poor companion for you. You're much too wily for a bleeding heart like me.

"But!" Nero cried, gesturing now directly at Tamamo, her palms connected and facing up. "But our Master... she needs you, just as much as I need her, and so I see you suffering and I can do naught but panic!"

"Okay," Tamamo said quietly, "okay, you can stop sobbing now, I am listening." 

"I can't!" But for her theatrics, Nero's voice did drop in volume quite a bit. "I am beside myself. Also; my head is killing me."

"Migraines," Tamamo whispered, and she sighed heavily, hunching down beside Nero to examine her more closely. Sure enough, she was pale and her forehead a bit clammy; even as she was examined, Nero closed her eyes and seemed to fall into silence, breathing heavily. "This is not good," Tamamo murmured. "You should be sleeping, Saber." 

"I can't sleep," Nero declared, her voice fierce and defiant. "The foundations of Rome are crumbling. _You_ are crumbling."

"I am fine," Tamamo growled. 

"So you will say until the day you splinter to pieces," Nero retorted, "and bring everything crashing down around you, and you'll say to yourself that you should have been stronger that you could carry that weight, but I say to you now: if you are carrying too much on your shoulders, that fault belongs to me alone."

"Don't be ridiculous." 

"I will stand by my words!" Nero roared. 

"You will be quiet," Tamamo hissed. "You'll wake Master at this rate!"

"All the better!" Again, in contrast with her words, Nero obediently dropped her voice. "I need her help with this. I'm no good with... With helping you. Ah." And then she cast her eyes aside, sighing heavily. "It's pointless, isn't it? All I'm doing is pushing you further away from me..." 

Here, Tamamo faltered again. 

It was... a blessing and a curse, empathy. Ever since Tamamo had learned it, it blessed her with fleeting moments of true happiness, but drowned that happiness in a continual avalanche of other, much more horrible feelings. That simply was the fact of her existence, since she was summoned and probably well before that. And here she felt that gnawing in her chest growing and aching and burning, terribly familiar and just as daunting as always. 

Nero is sad. Nero is sad. She knew Nero; she knew what set Nero off, what caused her to lapse into long depressive spells, what caused her to turn away from the throne and mope - and while such periods were, in a purely factual sense, actually better for Rome's political health in the long run... they... they hurt Master so badly. ...And they're no fun for Tamamo to watch, either. 

But what can Tamamo say? No, you aren't pushing me away? 

"I lower myself more and more," Nero laughed weakly, "I seek new depths to prostrate myself, but it won't ever matter, will it? That's fine."

"Stop talking," Tamamo muttered. 

"Yes, yes." Nero sighed heavily, hanging her head. "I understand. I'll - "

"No, don't do anything," Tamamo growled. Her breath was hot; the emptiness that had filled her before was now turning into tension and heat. "Just sit there and shut up for once."

To her amazement, Nero did not move nor speak. 

Slowly, Tamamo took in a deep breath. "What can I do," she said slowly, "that would put you at ease?"

Though her eyes were hidden behind her bangs, Nero's lips were not, and Tamamo caught her scoffing like she was trying not to laugh. "We're so hopeless," she said, with badly restrained mirth. "Talking past one another. Isn't it silly, Caster? How can't you laugh at it?"

Tamamo balked. "Wha...? What are you talking about?"

"In the very same breath that I lament that my voice will never reach you," Nero sighed, looking up at her again, "you would silence me only to ask as bluntly as you can how to comfort me. And now that I've acknowledged it you'll want to pretend it never happened. I understand. Headache or no, I am no fool, Caster."

Tamamo pressed her lips together; Nero was right, her impulse was to deflect, but... what would that really accomplish right now? 

"What would put me at ease," Nero sighed, closing her eyes again. "All I ask is to know that you are well. If I have done something that has provoked you, I would ask to know what it was, so that I could properly apologize. If someone else has done something -- "

"No, nothing like that," Tamamo growled. To her surprise, Nero fell quiet, but... she had to remember, she was not working with the usual bombastic entirely-too-chatty version of the Emperor; when belabored by pain Nero was much slower and more methodical, and Tamamo couldn't simply let her run her own course and tire herself out. Her damned persistence, even when her own health was at risk, would be Tamamo's bane.

Sighing deeply she closed her eyes, trying to figure out what to say that could possibly put Nero at ease, something honest enough to be believable without being... _too_ honest. Even as she grumbled inwardly about how likely it was that Nero would see through her immediately. 

"I just had a thought earlier today," she said airily. "A teensy little moment of frustration. And it's maybe been bothering me just a little bit."

"A thought," Nero repeated softly. "What sort of thought?"

Ugh. Fuck. "Oh," Tamamo said innocently, "just, you know... about how we split leadership responsibilities and all... but it feels like you're the one between the two of us that's actually the proper ruler, and all..."

"I wouldn't say that," Nero murmured. "Do you think I am not aware of how Rome thrives under your watch, when I myself am indisposed? Lax in my praise of you indeed."

"W-Well, that's nice of you to say," Tamamo stammered, "but, that's not..." Oh no. Now she was backing herself into a corner. Abort! Abort!

Nero's eyes cracked open. She looked so tired. She- she even looked kind of annoyed, and Tamamo's stomach felt like it was tying itself in a knot. "What then?" she asked softly.

"O-oh, it's nothing," Tamamo squeaked, but that obviously didn't work even a little bit; before Nero could get any grumpier everything spilled out of her at once: "It'sjustthatIsometimesIworrythatnoonereallyrespectsmeandyou'reallfakingitandgoingtobetraymesomedaybutit'ssillyiknow."

Nero blinked at her. Tamamo, absolutely mortified, froze in place. 

"Tamamo," whispered the Emperor, her face falling, frustration draining away and grief taking its place. "Is this about what happened before, with Medusa...?"

"N-no!" Tamamo yelped, but she could feel her throat knotting up too now. "Maybe! I - I-I just..." She trailed off with an ugly sniffle; Nero raised her arms, delicately holding Tamamo's, and Tamamo felt her ears flattening as she hung her head. "I-I just thought of Altera," she whimpered, "when she stared us down and wouldn't come back, and how I was so scared I-- w-well, you know - " she hiccupped - "you know she loves you so much more than me, and - "

"That's not true," Nero lamented.

"Yes it is!" Tamamo snapped. "I'm just a bother to her, that's all! If it ever came down to it I'm sure she'd choose you over me, just like I'm sure Master would choose you over me -- "

"Caster, no," Nero whispered, and she laughed faintly. "Caster... our Master tore herself to pieces because she _couldn't_ choose between us."

Tamamo sniffled, still hiding her face. "Yeah," she mumbled. Her throat ached. "B-But... she..."

"There is no one in SE.RA.PH to whom I would entrust Rome," Nero continued softly, "except for you." 

As much as she wanted to be reassured by that, Tamamo ached only more, turning away from her. "You shouldn't," she murmured. "After the catastrophe I went through trying to take over the place... all of the Servants that came to follow me did it because they thought they could get something for themselves out of me." She shrugged limply. "Rider and Lancer were after Master, and who knows what Berserker wanted, but..."

"And so you fault yourself?" Nero said softly. "For those that followed you being cruel?"

"You say that like I don't deserve it," Tamamo mumbled. 

"I don't think you do."

Tamamo was quiet. What on earth could she say to _that!?_

"Were it not for my head," Nero murmured, "I would sing your praises til the sun rose, Caster. But at this point I doubt you would want that anyway, so I'll just be blunt instead. It does seem that many Servants don't trust you. It bothers me, too."

For one sentence, Tamamo felt a sort of grim relief. Validated, exalted, heartbroken. But then in the very next sentence everything was turned upside-down again. "What...?"

"It bothers me!" Nero grumped. Her eyes flashed; they were still dull and a frown still pulled at her lips, but Nero's sudden change in tone was terribly sincere. "Do you know why _I_ trust you, Caster? I am well aware of your nature, just as you ought to be well aware of mine! But even when you're scheming and plotting behind my back, there's something I can count on! An undeniable truth that lies at the heart of your treachery!"

"Oh?" Tamamo murmured, dryly. "Do tell."

"You do it because you love Master!" 

Well, fuck. She was actually right for once. 

"Even if your methods are extreme," Nero continued, her voice rising once more, "even if your judgment is without mercy, I know at the very least that you and I agree as to what is most important in the world! Even if you were to kill me, I would die knowing that our Master, my beloved Praetor, is safe within your care! That is why I trust you! Because whatever she wants - I know you will claw the heavens to earth if you must to acheive it! Just as I would!" 

Tamamo was quiet. There wasn't anything to say to this. Nero was just... right. That was how she felt. If her precious wife wanted _anything..._ then Tamamo would not rest until she had it. Oh, she might stall, she might defer, she might caution her Master against reaching for things beyond her limits or grasp, but once that adorable idiot had set her heart on something, no force could stop her. That was why Tamamo loved her, and that was why Tamamo would give everything to protect her. 

"None can see your love for her so clearly as I can," Nero sighed. Tamamo glanced up again, now that her voice had calmed; she was rubbing her temples again, even more pale than before. "That is why I trust you. And that is why she trusts you. I hope that, itself, is at least some small assurance."

"It is," Tamamo said softly. 

"Ah..." Nero smiled, shutting her eyes. "Ah, is it really...? Oh, that is a relief."

"Nero," Tamamo whispered - reaching forward, delicately resting her hands on the Emperor's shoulders. "Thank you. Now _go to sleep._"

"Hah." A jagged smirk pulled at her lips, and she returned Tamamo's gaze more impishly now, clasping Tamamo's wrists. "I will try," she promised. "But won't you return to Master's side?"

"I doubt I will be able to sleep," Tamamo muttered. 

"Caster," Nero chided, "I came out here to bring _you_ back inside. Stay awake if you must, but at least go tend to your wife."

On her way back to their lavish chambers, though, Tamamo took a short detour. 

Altera, still in her child form, was fast asleep in her own room. Even so, Tamamo lingered at the door. She thought often of the times when she and Altera had clashed, even when it seemed Altera didn't want to; she thought often of the drop in her stomach she felt whenever the Sword of Mars appear, the primal terror that filled her - the presence of her only natural predator. But just as she felt about Altera, surely Master felt about her, right...?

And yet, that was not enough to keep Tamamo from longing for Altera's happiness. This poor thing. She could see too much of her own strange, bewildered grief written into Altera's acceptance of her fate. One of them was enough. Tamamo had atonement to do, but Altera, this girl created only for destruction... she deserved none of that. 

These feelings were far from new to her, but... maybe it was good to remind her of it every so of-

"Mother...?"

Tamamo yelped. "A-Altera!" she gasped, trying to stifle her voice, torn between hiding behind the door and stepping more completely inside; the little girl on the bed had one crimson eye cracked open. "I'm so sorry, did I wake you?"

"You seem sad," Altera whispered. 

Tamamo hesitated, before taking a deep breath. 

"I am," she admitted weakly. "But - it's not your fault, okay?"

"Can I help...?"

Tamamo laughed in spite of herself. Her eyes stung. "No, sweetheart," she whispered. "But just asking means a lot to me."

"Okay." Altera shifted, pulling her blankets a little tighter over herself. "But if I can help you have to tell me. Promise?"

"Yes, I promise," Tamamo whispered. It was a reflex just to lie, but... "Are you alright, dear? Are you cold?"

"A little," Altera mumbled. Tamamo swept in and found her another blanket, making sure not to smother her with it; Altera sighed and relaxed as it settled over her. "Soon," Altera murmured, "I'll be strong enough to help everyone make a good civilization."

"Yes," Tamamo said softly. "I look forward to that day. We'll need all the help we can get."

Altera smiled at her. "Thank you. Good night, mother." 

"Good night, Altera."

She hovered for just a bit longer, as Altera turned over and settled back in to sleep. Why was she so reluctant to leave...? 

When she turned, though, she found another silhouette waiting behind the door; she made a point of tiptoeing out of the room and silently shutting the door, before throwing her arms around her Master, who giggled softly and hugged her back. "I'm sorry I'm late!" Tamamo whined, taking care with her volume. "Ohh, and now you've missed sleep because of me too!"

"Caster," Hakunon cooed, playful scorn in her voice. Tamamo whimpered and shrunk into her Master's grasp, and Hakunon gently patted her head. "I just hope you're feeling better."

Tamamo huffed, clenching her fingers into Hakunon's gown. "Why is everyone so worried about me?!"

"Don't be silly," Hakunon laughed, as Tamamo straightened up and avoided her gaze; undeterred she snatched up Tamamo's hand, leading her gently towards their chambers again. "We just want you to be happy," she promised, as Tamamo glanced back at her. 

"That's what family is for, after all."

**Author's Note:**

> look i have a *lot* of feelings about tamamo, okay? like a LOT of feelings :(


End file.
